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There is a chemical warfare happening in American homes.  We have taken measures to eliminate all toxic cleaners, personal products and cosmetics from our home.  The result is a cheaper, healthier way of cleaning.  We also do not buy PFC coated furniture, carpet, etc and we avoid clothing made from anything but cotton or bamboo.  From ScienceDaily.com:

“A new study led by a team of Boston University School of Public Health researchers suggests a link between polyfluoroalkyl chemicals (PFCs), industrial compounds which are widely used in many consumer products, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children.” Continue Reading…

It can be amusing for parents to speak “babyeeze” to their little ones, often mimicking their child when she says a word incorrectly.  Babies learning to speak sound so cute and their mispronunciations often make us giggle.  Between the ages of 3 and 6 when language is being tested and solidified by a child is the most vulnerable period of language aquisition.

Recent studies by Dutch researcher Lotte Henrichs suggests that speaking academically with your child instead of simplifying your speech patterns actually helps a child do better in school later in life.

Henrichs demonstrated that children are already confronted with academic language in the nursery school. They already hear a lot academic language from the teacher and are often expected to use academic language themselves. The extent to which academic language is used at home was found to differ strongly between families. An essential aspect is how parents approach their children during conversations. If children are given the opportunity to make meaningful contributions to conversations, they often use characteristics of academic language proficiency naturally. In addition to this, the knowledge of academic language depends on the extent to which parents read to their children, tell them stories and hold conversations about interesting subjects. - NWO.com

This may carry over to a polite correction of your child when he pronounces a word incorrectly.  When I was growing up, as most children do, I misprounced common, long words like spaghetti (bascetti) and Popsicle (popsible).  I also took to saying breakfast by switching the middle consonants to “brefkist”.  My mother failed to correct me until I was 8 years old because she thought it was cute and couldn’t bring herself to tell me.  Even more scarring was that I found out I had been pronouncing it incorrectly when a neighborhood friend had a sleepover at my house and I asked if she would like some “brefkist”, whereupon I was thoroughly embarrassed as my mother explained her reason for not correcting me sooner.

With every child I encounter, whether family or children of friends I have noticed a marked difference in their participation in the “adult” conversation when I speak to them as I would to my peers.  Children live up to our expectations.  Treat your child like an individual with ideas and thoughts to contribute and she will not only surprise you, but she may be better off in life both academically and socially.

What do you think of when you hear the word “marriage”?  Happy couples, cake, rings, wedding bells and day to celebrate?  Young couples today are beginning to think beyond the wedding day, considering the financial implications of combining taxes and sharing debt obligations.  There are many alternatives to getting legally married.  The easiest one is co-habitation, but this carries with it some disadvantages when you want to be tied legally to your partner.  What are the pros and cons of marriage?

Wedding Bills : The average US wedding costs about $35,000.  If a new couple invested that money in IRA with an annual rate of 9%, they would have 1.26 million dollars by the time they reached 65.

Marriage Tax Penalty:
When married couples both earn income, this places them in a higher tax bracket.  They can end up paying more taxes, often negating the income of one working parent especially if the cost of childcare is considered.  Avoiding marriage if both persons are earning income lets you file taxes separately and potentially keep more of your income.  If however, one partner will not be earning income, claiming two deductions (claiming the non working person as a dependent) benefits a married couple on their tax filings.
Monetary gifts between legally married couples are also exempt from tax.

Emotional Stress: Most couples go through emotional stresses as they plan their weddings, straining their relationship as they bring in extended family to help fund or make decisions regarding the wedding day.  Consider a cruise vacation where you spend less than on a traditional wedding.  You can simply enjoy your partner while on a stress free vacation.

Home Buying: Married couples who file jointly can keep up to $500,000 on the sale of a home without paying capital gains tax, whereas an individual homeowner can keep only $250,000.

Illness: Non married couples may have difficulty receiving visitation rights when one of them is hospitalized.  This can be solved by having a lawyer draw up a visitation rights agreement between you and your partner.  Power of attorney gives full rights to your partner to make decisions on your behalf.

Healthcare: Being on the same healthcare plan can be convenient and sometimes cheaper, however if one family member on the plan develops a serious illness, everyone else on the plan can be negatively effected by cost or the inability to get a low rate on a new plan.  Keep in mind that if you are considering having children, it is best for both parents to get on their own healthcare plan prior to conceiving a child, as most insurance policies have a clause that excludes them from paying for labor and delivery costs if a baby is born prior to 12 or 18 months of the plan’s initiation.  Fathers may also find it difficult to get a good rate on healthcare if they have fathered a child prior to applying for individual healthcare.  When you have children, also consider which parent’s healthcare plan the new baby will be added to or if the baby will be on it’s own healthcare plan.

Loans and Bankruptcy: By getting legally married, couples are automatically joining their credit ratings and debt responsibilities.  By keeping your credit ratings and monetary lending legally separate, you will not compromise your partner’s ability to operate financially.  This is especially beneficial if either person owns a business as you can keep your assets in one person’s name and the business in the other’s name.  Should the business run into trouble, your assets can be kept safe if each person is not legally attached through marriage.

Social Security: Legally married couples are able to receive each other’s social security benefits after death.  Social Security benefits are so nominal that neither of you should plan on relying on it as income in either case.  If you both reach the age of retirement, you may wish to  get legally married at that point to receive each other’s SS upon death.  It is also likely that SS will not be worth anything or phased out by the times you retire.  Use the tools of legal partnership and legal marriage when and how they suit you and your partner best.

So how can you “get hitched” without all the downsides? Think of legal marriage as a package deal, granted by the government to recognize two individuals as one unit.  This effects everything a married couple does, sometimes positively, sometimes negatively.  Assess what tools of legal marriage you and your partner would like to benefit from and hire a lawyer to set up a legal agreement between the two of you that will take advantage of only the positives.  These may include:

- Legal visitation rights in a medical emergency

- Granting your partner the power of attorney

- Setting up a will for each of you

- Agreeing on what will happen should you decide to separate: children, assets, etc.

- Agreeing on who legally owns any assets or businesses that may currently be owned by both of you.

- Legally changing of last names and deciding what sur name your children will take.

- Setting up life insurance policies and ensuring that the surviving partner is the benefactor of such policies.

Hiring a good lawyer may cost between $1000-$2000, but this pales compared to the financial benefits down the road when setting up your tailor made partnership agreement.  You may also find that websites like legalzoom.com with  DIY legal documents may suit your needs for general items like name change, wills, etc.

Marriage isn’t what it used to be.  The tradition of the dolled up bride in white, who’s parents throw an expensive party is borrowed from the days of kings and queens.  The “princess” was the star of the day and no expense was too great to make her wedding day as lavish as possible.  Today this medieval tradition can be too costly and unnecessary.  Focusing on your future as a couple both financially and emotionally should be more important than putting on a show and party for your friends and family.  Consider tailoring your legal partnership to best suit your needs, then take a long romantic vacation to celebrate each other.  You’ll save money and enjoy yourselves much better than putting on a show.

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Resources: Financial Advantages and Disadvantages of Marriage

When a women is pregnant, the makeup she wears, the deoderant she uses and the lotions she uses may effect her baby’s behavior later down the road.  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has found that high levels of phthalates found in a women’s blood during pregnancy directly correlate with behavioral issues in their child at ages 4-9 years.

Phthalates are non-organic chemicals used in lotions, makeup products, soaps, nail polish, perfumes and shampoos.  “Phthalates are part of a group of chemicals known as endocrine disruptors, that interfere with the body’s endocrine, or hormone system.”1 Phthalates is also known as BPA when used in plastics.

Children whose mothers tested with a high level of Phthalates in their blood during pregnancy consistently reported behavioral issues in their 4-9 year olds associated with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Conduct Disorder and ADHD.

To avoid phthalates in personal care products, buy only all natural products and read the ingredients.  If you can’t pronounce an ingredient or have never heard of it, look it up on the EWG website before buying.  Most Phthalates in personal products are called one of the following:

BzBP (benzylbutyl phthalate)

DBP (di-n-butyl phthalate) and DEP (diethyl phthalate)

“fragrance” is another ingredient to avoid.  If a chemical blend is a trade secret, manufactures are not legally required to disclose the contents on the lable.  They simply denote this as “fragrance”, which likely contains parabens or phthalates.

The best paraben free products to replace your most common personal care products are:

Deoderant: Crystal Salt

Toothpaste: PerioBrite

Shampoo and Conditioner: [amazon ASIN="B001JAH2V0"]Hugo Naturals[/amazon]

Lipgloss, cosmetics: [amazon ASIN="B000WRZSCQ"]Honeybee gardens[/amazon]

Lotion: [amazon ASIN="B0012NZ9LY"]Hugo Naturals[/amazon]

Hand and Body soap:[amazon ASIN="B001ET77YI"]Dr. Bronners[/amazon] or find home made soaps from your local farmer’s market.

Nail polish: just don’t use it!  Nail polish is basically paint that you absorb through your skin.

Learn more: The Do-Nothing Method to Healthier Skin ::   BPA powder on your receipts?!

References:

1. Science Daily

Brain washing has turned into Branding.  PZ Myer’s, biologist and outspoken Atheist gives his parental perspective on this latest Christian branding trend:

Read the article

Besides the obvious side effects of taking oral contraceptives, women who are on the pill may want to reconsider how it may interfere with their love life. In the October 2009 Issue of Trends in Ecology and Evolution, Dr. Virpi Lumma presented evidence for hormone interruption caused by the pill. Women who are on the pill do not cycle normally through ovulation. During ovulation a women’s hormones make her more likely to choose a mate who exhibits more masculine traits and to also choose a mate who is genetically less like herself through the body’s response to pheromones of the opposite sex.

Dr. Lumma’s studies suggest that women on the pill do not cycle through this natural ovulation time which leads them to select mates that are more genetically similar to themselves, which can lead to genetic diseases or disorders in offspring.  Read the full article.

This news comes hot on the heals of recent studies that have shown extremely high levels of estrogen byproduct in water systems (and drinking water). The elevated levels of estrogen come from the urine of women taking the pill as the body expels excess hormone. Because the hormone does not break down or get caught by water filtration systems, it gets returned to drinking water and into ecosystems that harm fish and other wildlife.

Last March we  heard about a Brazilian child who after being raped by her stepfather conceived twins at the age of 9 years oldObviously she and her family decided to abort the babies considering her age and the danger of childbirth at such a young age, (and the circumstance of rape).  Because of this decision, the Catholic church responded by excommunicating the child, her mother and the doctors who conducted the procedure.

Abortion is illegal in Brazil except in cases of rape or when the mother’s life is in danger, both of which apply in this case. (The girl’s immature hips would have made labor dangerous; the Catholic opinion was that she could have had a cesarean section.) (via Time.com)

So much for a compassionate religious group.  After living through the trama of being raped by her stepfather, this religious institution expected this young girl to live through childbirth and becoming a mother at a point in her life where she has not even reached the AGE OF REASON.  As a naturalist, it matters not to me whether one is “in the catholic club” or not.  However, this sort of behaviour demonstrates how out of touch and desperate these magistrates and robe-wearing celibates are with the rest of the world.  Now, considering that Brazil is the most Catholic nation in the world, this brash move does not come as a surprise.   Recently Brazil’s population has declined from almost 100% Catholic to 74% catholic.  This encouraging statistic may have church officials on edge and more willing to “pull out all the stops” when trying to make their religion appear serious and legitimate.

I say we let the catholic leaders continue to don their colorful robes, pointy hats and golden staffs.   Let them throw people out of their club and offer pretend blood sacrifices like in the bronze age.  Let them dig their own graves.  Every superstition fads from fame.  Moon worship, Sun worship, Zeus… Jezeus is next.

From New Zealand another religious parent takes offense at their child’s independent mind and shows his anger with a concrete block to her head.

A 55-year-old man who beat his daughter over the head with a lump of concrete when she refused to go to his Mormon church “does not understand what all the fuss is about”, Hastings District Court has heard.

Uluia Muliipu appeared in court after pleading guilty to one count of assault with intent to injure.  via nzherald.com

This video is irresistibly strange.  The message is great and the delivery is hypnotizing.

How might you feel if a big hand came out of the sky and tried to squash you?

Khyra, the daughter of a Muslim convert family, has died of starvation at the hand of her mother in Britain.

Khyra was unconscious when paramedics, called to the house in the early hours of last Saturday morning, discovered her and her five brothers and sisters lying on mattresses in a bedroom. Allegedly severely emaciated, she was taken to hospital but died on the way. 1

Evidently the neighbor lady noticed that three of the five children would eat the bread crumbs she spread out in her yard for the birds.   Both parents have been arrested on child abuse and the investigation is looking into the religious practice of starvation as a form of exorsism.

This show used to be on when I was a kid, but I never realized how very scientific it really was! Animaniacs sing about the universe:

I recently finished reading Raising Children Who Think for Themselves by Elisa Medhus. The premise of the book is that children should be treated with respect and allowed to explore their world fairly with boundaries that are founded on reason.

This book deals in just parenting. What we teach our children should be taught by example. Threats, sheltering and fear are insincere ways of guiding a child into adulthood. If what you teach your children is honest and real, it should be capable of weathering all that the world has to throw at it without tactics, threats or sheltering. If knowledge and reason can knock down what one teaches a child, then a re-evaluation of what is being taught must be conducted. Once a child grows up and has free access to the information he seeks, the parents will have forfeited the child’s trust and confidence in them.

This book spoke to my childhood and provided me with more tangible angles at which to better approach the parenting of my own children. Here are a few gems I picked up along the read:

- rules should prevent children from harming themselves, their surroundings and others. all other rules are just externally driven ways parents manipulate their children’s thoughts and actions. p.91

- we must guide, then step aside p.106

- use discipline, not punishment (guide and teach, don’t control) p. 90

- we must give our children the right reasons to behave and all consequences must logically follow from a child’s choices (good or bad). p.107

- consequences should be natural and logical according to the situation p. 118

- children should be allowed to fail, as failure is a stepping stone to success p.122

I highly recommend this book for all parents and grandparents.

2010: Pscycology studies suggest that Children learn what rules to disobey and which to follow.