CHAPTER III. GETTING THE WORD OUT
The Council of Nicaea
(Or: The Value of a Good Editor)
Boys, you’ve written a good, strong beginnin’
Now follow with plenty of sinnin’.
We need rape, we need war,
and a whole lot of gore,
and nothin’ that’s written by women.
That virginal twist was inspired.
What talented fellas I hired!
A bush that is burnin’
will keep pages turnin’
but poetry sure makes me tired.
Your description of heaven is swell.
Let’s expand on the fires of hell.
Boys, we’re nearly all done
and I do hafta run –
Do you think that this damned thing will sell?
Editing Genesis
Okay, fellas, gimme a break.
I’m a writer myself, for Christ’s sake!
That garden, I’ll buy -
and a weak-minded guy -
but you can’t keep the talking snake!
Editing the Virgin Birth
That’s an awfully bold fiction we’re shovin’
on people who understand lovin’.
But keep it! That story
leads Mary to glory,
along with the Bun in her oven.
The Easter Story (First Draft)
This chapter’s in really rough shape.
It reads like the work of an ape!
Can we leave this alone?
Empty tomb? Rolling stone?
A dead guy who makes his escape?
Nah, it won’t need a whole lot of fixin’ –
We do have one huge contradiction:
Nobody can rise
From a violent demise.
Let’s label it Creative Fiction!
The First Rejection Note
Such stories! How did you conceive ‘em?
You must have been tempted to heave ‘em!
Some tales are so wild
they would boggle a child.
Did you really believe we’d believe ‘em?
Acceptance – At Last!
I can’t say it doesn’t have flaws,
but we’ll publish this thing, just because
these words will control
the most miserable soul.
Yes, you’ve earned our respect and applause.
Human beings want to feel they are blessed.
Who wants a reality test?
Simple rulebooks are fine
to keep masses in line
but a guy in the sky is the best!
Public Relations
(Slogan: Truth or Consequences)
This Book contains God’s holy story –
a message of peace, hope and glory.
Anyone to reject it
is gonna regret it!
By God, make the consequence gory!
Things Get Ugly
Here’s my quick-and-dirty rendition
of a horror they called Inquisition.
Things got tougher and tougher -
but many must suffer
when God fortifies his position.
The Reformation
(Or: Martin Luther, the Decider)
Some say I am just splitting hairs,
but this Bible needs further repairs
so peasants can read it –
they’re the ones who will need it –
they can’t go through life unawares!
Pompous words are a problem to me.
They’re not user-friendly, you see.
Now, the miracles stay –
those are needed today –
people like magic acts, I agree.
That cannibal stuff needs revision –
I don’t care if I suffer derision.
Eat BREAD and drink WINE
or you’re no friend of mine.
That’s my answer! My final decision!
Next and last, Chapter 4 tomorrow!
The Unholy Scriptures: Summarized and Pulverized used with permission by LiberatedMind.com
